I haven't seen Girls, and I kind of wanted to dislike her for no good reason, but I keep wanting to root for her instead. Very shaky, she thanks the other nominees for getting her through mono and anxiety and middle school and also there are lots of names and it is pretty sweet. WINNER: Lena Dunham in a massive eggplant-colored ballgown that's kind of wearing her, but you know what? Werk. Ansari: " they call cookies biscuits!" Bateman: "I'm going to knock you out." "Daniel Day-Lewis! You are my hero! I just saw Expendables 2!" "Try booze next time." Meanwhile, Amy Poehler is sitting on George Clooney's lap. Here are! Jason Bateman and Asiz Ansari! I'm pretty sure Ansari being high as a kite is a gag, but it's the Drinky Oscars, so who knows. I kind of wish we would start appending "The Unfilmable Novel" to the title, in a "Based on the Novel by Sapphire" kind of way. Here is Liev Schrieber to present the Life of Pi montage, because sure. WINNER: Brave! Oh, snap, weren't people saying Wreck-It Ralph was going to get it? I kind of wish the director who'd originated the movie-Brenda Chapman?-and been taken off it was up there, but there you are. I am sure that Ricky Gervais is cackling into a little radio in SBC's ear right now. Please welcome! Sacha Baron Cohen! Carrying a glass of red wine or a snifter of brandy or something! Let us all clap for ourselves! "NOT YOU, DANIEL DAY-LEWIS! ANYONE CAN GROW A BLOODY BEARD!" Also, he dings Russell Crowe's acting lessons and Anne Hathaway's upskirt shot and throws in a super random slam on Gerard Depardieu's excretory habits.
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